Ma Chao's Stupidity
by Wandex System
Summary: Ma Chao's behavior is driving his forcemates mad. Suddenly he finds himself in a foreign country,with the only wish:to teach Weions the Ways of Justice... Please review!
1. Why not sell him to Ikkitousen?

MA CHAO'S STUPIDITY

Chapter 1

Why not sell him to Ikkitousen?..

Ma Chao was jumping around on one leg,yelling "Justice!" and annoying everybody in the Shu palace as usual.

"Stop it,Ma Chao",Liu Bei said angrily.

"Why?.."Ma Chao asked. He was sounding a bit disappointed,"Don't you like JUSTICE?"

"I do, until it gets ANNOYING,Ma Chao!"Liu Bei cried.

"I'm not annoying."

"You are!"

"No,I'm not!"

"Yes,you are!"

"I'm not annoying. I will be yelling "justice!" for 6 more hours so that the people of Shu don't forget the IMPORTANCE of it",Chao said stubbornly.

"You're dismissed! AND DON'T SHOW UP UNTIL TOMORROW!",Liu Bei roared. It seemed like he was going to explode with anger.

"Well,means I can now remind Shuists of JUSTICE in the Courtyard,right?"

"NO,MA CHAO!"Liu Bei shouted at Chao,who was walking away.

Soon Liu Bei could enjoy the loud "JUSTICE!" sounds coming from inside the Courtyard...

"DAMN IT! He doesn't even listen to his ruler!"Liu Bei cried in despair. He dropped his head on his arms,"What should I do with him?.. Zhang Fei? Guan Yu? Zhuge Liang?.."

Zhuge Liang stood up and approached Xuande.

"Ma liege",the Sleeping Dragon yawned,"Your problem is UNSOLVABLE. You shouldn't have hired Ma Chao at all."

"YOU LAZY..."Zhang Fei roared,about to slap the strategist right in his calm face.

"Peace,Yide,"the ruler ordered,"Zhuge Liang,is it really so...unsolvable?"Liu Bei was about to lose hope.

Liang yawned once again.

"Ma Liege...I guess I can probably solve it..."

Zhuge made a dramatic pause.

"Speak up!"Liu Bei begged.

"Okay,you just have to let me go for now. I'll return after 2 hours...or 7...or later... I have to WORK,you see,"the strategist explained.

"Dismissed,"Bei said quickly.

The strategist left,leaving the officers whispering behind his back.

"He's gone to play Ultima with Sima Yi,"Yue Ying said,"This beast has abandoned me for SIMA YI!"

"NO...HE...PLAY...DYNASTY WARRIORS...ONLINE..."Wei Yan interrupted.

"I don't care what he is playing!"Yue Ying cried,"He doesn't even notice me anymore! He has gone completely crazy! He lives in one room with...with..."

"The long-haired,high-hatted,sly-looking WEION!"Yue Ying yelled in a high-pitched voice.

"HE...SIMA YI...PAIR..."Wei Yan explained.

"NOW OVER WITH IT!STOP!"Sima Yi cried as he pulled himself out from under Liu Bei's throne,"You better go and fix my computer! It's stuck!"

Guan Yu grabbed the devious strategist and placed him at Zhuge Liang's room. (He fixed the computer,by the way.)

"Okay. So,what shall we do with Ma Chao?"the Shu ruler continued.

"Kill him! Now!"Zhang Fei suggested.

"Um..any other suggestions?.."

"Let's feed him up with porridge..."Guan Yu said,as the flashbacks from his early childhood appeared before him...

"ME...TEACH...MA CHAO...GERMAN..."Wei Yan grinned.

"Make him clean up the palace!"

"Kiss Zhang He!"

"Why not sell him to Ikkitousen? They kinda needed Ma Chaos last year..."Xing Cai mumbled.

"NO!"Zhuge Liang said angrily. He had just lost a really important battle to Sima Yi."I have an idea. Let's send him to Wei. After all,he'd come from Wei... And we won't have to think of a birthday present for Cao Cao!"

"Only together with that devil Sima Yi!"Yue Ying insisted.

Sima Yi winked at Zhuge Liang. Zhuge Liang patted Sima Yi.

"No way,Yue Ying. Choose. "JUSTICE!" or a tiny pathetic itty-bitty Sima Yi playing Ultima at my room..."

Yue Ying chose the pathetic itty-bitty Master of Manipulation.

A/N One piece of complete stupidity down. Please review. I want a person like the past-time Yuan Shao to tell me about my pathetic efforts and terrible English. Just 'cause I love to argue XD Though,any kinds of reviews are welcome^^


	2. Let's play dress up!

Ma Chao's Stupidity

Chapter 2

Let's play dress up!

"Bring me the package! Now!"Zhuge Liang cried,as he brought Ma Chao,who was fast asleep because of Pang Tong's sleeping pill,into the room.

Sima Yi looked at the package critically.

"You need a present for Cao Cao,right? Well,THIS looks more like a gift for Zhang He! It's so...pink..."

"You DUMBO,we DON'T need a present for Cao Cao!"Zhuge Liang laughed evilly,"We need to get rid of Ma Chao!"

"Aw. Yesh. I remember,"Sima Yi blushed.

So they put Ma Chao into a big pink box,wrapped him properly and sang the "One Way Ticket" in such voices,that Xu Zhu could have dropped dead.

Liu Bei entered the room.

"Wow! Oh my,cool package,"he said,"Gimme a marker."

Zhuge Liang handed him a big smelly pink marker.

Xuande made astonishing efforts to remember some letters,but soon even he gave up. So Yue Ying did this for him. She took the marker and wrought: "TO CAO MENGDE WITH LOVE" in big,messy letters...

******30 minutes later,at the Shuist palace******

Liu Bei:Damn... It's so quiet here without that Ma Chao around... Yep,but I find something...missing?

Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi(in a chorus):Liu Bei,if you only had some brains... IF YOU SAY "WITHOUT MA CHAO",MEANS MA CHAO IS MISSING!

Liu Bei:Oh,well,yes...

"It was awful with Zhuge Liang,but with both ZL and an anti-ZL... I better go live with Zhang He...

******an hour later,at the Weist palace******

Zhang He yelled:"Look,Cao Cao,looks like there's a pressie here for you! Aww my,it's pink! Cao Cao,you're so lucky!"

Zhang He rushed into the throne room,clapping his hands,squeaking something indefinite.

"Cao Cao..."Zhang He sounded disappointed,"Don't you even want to LOOK at the pressie?"

"Well,calm down,Junyi,sure I do!Now go,bring it in!"

Zhang He thought for a while and then said:

"Um...I can't. It's way too heavy..."

So Cao Cao made Xu Zhu and Dian Wei bring it in. The Wei ruler carefully removed the lid. After all,this could be another trouble-making,useless gift from Zhuge Liang. For example,last year he sent Cao Mengde Zhang He...

"NO!"Cao cried in despair,as he saw a pretty,fat Ma Chao sleeping in the box. Zhang He peered into the pink container.

"Awww! How cute!"he whispered,"A yellow-haired,green-eyed little Shuist!"

Zhang He spent the next ten minutes caramelldancing around Cao Cao:

"Lord Cao Cao! Lord Cao Cao! Can I have it?"

"Sure."the Weist agreed,"Take it,teach it Wei things,brainwash it,love it,f...um,use it however you like!"

Zhang He smiled gladly,as he took the huge pink box into his room.

"WAKE UP!"

No reply.

"WAKE UP!"

No reply.

"No Reply" song sung in a goatique voice.

No reply.

And then the phone rang.

Zhang He:Is it you,Sima Yi? When will you come back?

Sima Yi:Yes. Do you like the gift?

Zhang He:Well...It actually can't wake up...Is it a boy or a girl? And,by the way,when will you come back?..

Sima Yi:I dunno. Perhaps a hermaphrodite. You better check it yourself.

Zhang He: WAIT,SIMA YI! How do you know I have a gift? And will you actually COME BACK?

Sima Yi: I... oh...Um,Yuan Shao told me.

Zhang He looked around. "Where the Cao Ren is my hermaphrodite thingy?"Junyi dropped the phone. "IT'S GONE!GONE!"

But Zhang He soon found his precious gift in the dustbin. It lay there sleeping. Then the cruel Weion shook his gift as hard as he could...

Ma Chao opened his eyes and stared at the unknown place in terror.

"LET'S PLAY DRESS UP!"Zhang He yelled,with a glad grin on his face.


	3. Listen and learn

A/N OMG I'm so astonished you like my story! It's even on somebody's favorites list XD I'm pleased,really. But now I am in charge of not disappointing you... And that's a bit hard for a crazy frog O.o

Ma Chao's Stupidity

Chapter 3

Listen and learn...

Ma Chao winked. Then he blinked. Then he punched himself.

"ZHANG HE?"

Zhang He made a surprised face:

"How do you know? Um... How did I say it in Dynasty Warriors 6?.. Aha! Was it my beauty that drew you?"

Ma Chao fainted. It was definitely NOT Zhang He's beauty that drew him. (It was actually a green van driven by Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi. Sima was the real driver,but Zhuge also did a hard work yelling at him when the Weist chose the wrong path...)

"Oh no! My cute Shuist is dead! Noooooo!"Zhang He cried,as he pulled Ma Chao into the throne room.

"WHAT'S UP ZHANG HE?"Cao Cao roared. It seemed like he wasn't pleased to see the Shu troublemaker here AT ALL. ESPECIALLY together with the Wei one.

"My little Shuist... I wanted to play dress up... But he... He suddenly died..."He sobbed.

Cao Cao laughed. Xiahou Dun looked at his cousin faithfully,but even he could say that the Chief Weist could have never matched Sima Yi...

"Muahahahahaha!"Cao Cao said,"Xu Zhu,bring me some water!"

"WHAAAAAT?"the Shuist cried,"You! YOU! YOU OLD TORTURER! NO WATER! NOOO!"

The Weions looked at Ma Chao with puzzled expressions on their faces.

"What's up,my little Shuist?"Zhang He asked softly,"Don't you like water?"

But Ma Chao fainted.

"My lord? Is this a broken Shuist model for Zhang He? Zhuge's tricks again?"Xu Huang asked.

Cao Mengde couldn't answer. He was laughing out loudly.

"N-no,Huang..."he said at last,"It's one of the Shu tiger generals,Ma Chao. And he can't swim,he is afraid of water!"

Zhang He was furious.

"HOW DARE YOU OFFEND MY DEAR SHUIST?"He hugged Ma Chao,"I regret I defected to you. Yuan Shao was much kinder than you! First you sold my Sima Yi to Shu for 22 coins! Then you laugh at my Shuist! You... You... UGLY DUCKLING!"

Cao Cao was confused. He calmed Zhang He down and gave him a huge pink lollipop,so that he would never regret leaving the Yuan family anymore.

"You better go wash your dear Shuist before he wakes up!" Xiahou Yuan advised. He looked forward to getting rid of the useless Butterfly General.

"Okay..."he agreed,wiping the tears away with his sleeves.

So,he washed Ma Chao. And he played dress up with him. Zhang He had some more time to do it,because when he was washing Ma Chao,the Shu General awoke...

Soon,Ma Chao was sitting on a blue Ikea chair,dressed up in a pink Hello Kitty dress(it was Zhang He's favorite thing to dress Sima Yi up in). He found himself being spoon-fed by the insane Butterfly Weion. And fed with PORRIDGE.

"Ma Chao!"Xiahou Yuan jeered,"Do you know that porridge... consists of..."

"SHUT UP!" Cao Cao yelled,"We are now free of both of them,you dumb man!"

Obeying the ruler was Xiahou Yuan's only choice.

"Now,Ma Chao,"Zhang He said,"Listen and learn..."

"Oh,I know,I know,Wei is better than Shu,we are all dumb guys,our ruler has long ears,green color is not beautiful,dragons stink... I KNOW THAT ALL! SIMA YI KEEPS TELLING ME THAT EVERY DAY!"

"No!"Zhang He laughed,"Listen and learn,it is time for prancing,now we are here,we're caramelldancing!"

******15 minutes later in Zhang He's room******

Zhang He and Ma Chao and Cao Cao were caramelldancing.

Cao Cao:By the way,I'll tell Liu Bei what you think about him...

Ma Chao:NOOOOO!

Zhang He:HOW DARE YOU OFFEND MY SHUIST?


	4. it is time for Justice!

**A/N Aw my... Two reviewers already... Thz,ppl! XD I hope I will manage to finish the story,for this is the last week I'm active. I'm going to the non Wi-Fi summerhouse... :( Tell me what you want;finish the story as quickly as possible(I'll return on August 30) or make it longer,but with a three-month pause? I'll have plenty of time for typing,but without the possibility to publish anything :'(Waiting for your reviews. **

Ma Chao's Stupidity

Chapter 4

...Now it's time for JUSTICE!

Three days of constant caramelldancing,consuming porridge and wearing Hello-Kitty stuff have elapsed since Ma Chao first arrived at the Wei palace in a pink box.

He was getting tired. But suddenly Ma Chao had an idea.

"I can call Sima Yi and Zhuge Liang! Actually,that's what strategists are for!"

Little did Ma Chao know of those sly guys being the authors of the idea...

******4 minutes later,Ma Chao with his cellphone******

Ma Chao:Hello Kit... I mean,Sima Yi!

Zhuge Liang:I'm not Sima Yi!

Ma Chao:Okay,hello Zhuge Liang!

Sima Yi:Muahahahahaha!I'm NOT Zhuge Liang,idiot!

Ma Chao:Aaaargh,you cheaters! You dumb guys,you badasses,you long-eared fools!

Sima Yi:Those were Guan Yu,Zhang Fei and Liu Bei listening...

******Ma Chao dropped the cellphone******

Then Ma Chao understood that there was not even a slight chance for him to go back to Shu. This meant,he had to set things here,in Wei,once and for all...

"Listen,Zhang He!"he said,turning to his "mommy" who was already cooking some new porridge in a toy pot,"I wanted to tell you something...a long time ago!.."

"You need a dummy?"Zhang He wondered,gagging Ma Chao with a pink dummy,"Or a diaper?.."

Butterfly's next action was prevented by spitting out the pink dummy right in his face...

"NO!It's about the PROPHECY,"Ma Chao said angrily.

Zhang He concentrated.

"Remember,the prophecy says that there will be the ONE someday,the one who shall be respected greatly... His name shall start with 'M' and he shall be the eldest child in the family..."

"Yes,I remember,"Zhang He said seriously. Of all the kingdoms,Wei respected this dumb prophecy invented by Sima Qian the most...

"Well,"Ma Chao grinned,"I know who this one is!"

"Who?"Zhang He wondered,"Oh,I know!"

Ma Chao felt like the ground was flying away from somewhere under his feet...

"Shall my plan fail?.."

"It's the author of the fanfiction!"(A/N yeah,it's me)

"NO! The ONE must be a MALE,not a hermaphrodite,"Ma Chao insisted,"It's ME!"

Zhang He opened his mouth,and the pink toy spoon fell out of his hand...

******48 minutes later******

Ma Chao stood on a huge platform with a glad grin on his face.

"Listen and learn,Weions!"he said in a strange,freaking voice,"For the time of justice had come!"

"Justice,yuck!"Cao Pi vomited.

Zhen Ji stared at Ma Chao with great respect in her eyes.

"You liar!"Cao Cao thought.

He was just envious.

******51 minute later,at Zhang He's room******

Zhang He winked Ma Chao.

"Of all the Weions,"he said,"I treated you with the most love and care! So,you must reward me now!"

Ma Chao felt like he'd just swallowed a huge caterpillar.

"R-rew-ward?.."

"This is what you MUST do!"Zhang He said,clapping his hands gladly,"Because it was in the Prophecy,right?"

"Uh...really?.."

"Yeah! It says 'and The One shall give a great reward to the guy,who treated him with great love and care'! And that's me! By the way,it also says that you must arrange a great feast for everybody else!"

Zhang He went out,leaving Ma Chao The One alone.

"I just CAN'T tell him I didn't like the treatment...I can't!"

It was time for justice. But where was it? Where?

******at the throne room******

Cao Cao:What,a feast? Great! Let us see that fake deity Ma Chao arrange a feast!

Zhang He: HEY-Y! HOW DARE YOU OFFEND MY SHUIST? You...UGLY DUCKLING!

Cao Cao:*sigh*

**That bastard Ma Chao! Stole my title... Y_Y he will pay!**


	5. Who wrote that song?

**A/N OH FINALLY. Finally I made myself write another chapter! Yeah. I would have never carried this out if not for you,reviewers! Great thanks to all of you,those who reviewed.**

Ma Chao's Stupidity

Chapter 5

Who wrote that song

Ma Chao didn't know where justice was. Or when the time of justice was going to come.

But one thing he knew for sure-UNJUST things had to be punished!

And the most unfair guys he knew were,totally,Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi!

And then an idea was born in Ma Chao's head,dressed in a pink hat by Zhang He...

******at night******

Ma Chao sneaked out of the palace under the cover of the night. Well he knew that it was a bit not really just to steal Zhang He's favorite warm coat,but he needed it! After all,he promised the Butterfly to repay it with a gift in a short note he left on the table. It said,"Zhang He sorry I have to go and I'm taking your coat but I'll bring you one very special gift you like it bye Zhang He."

Ma Chao managed to pass through the guards since this morning he,Zhang He and Zhen Ji were caramelldancing all over them,so at last,tired of beholding this wonderful sort of entertainment,accompanied by Zhang He's tiny voice "Come dance with us,dress in pink together!",Zhen Ji's yell"Yo-ho-yeh,oh yeh,waaaaaa~~~~!" and Ma Chao's background vocals,including such words as "Justice!" "Prophecy!" and "Who wrote that song?"

Now try imagine that.

Well yeah,that's why the poor guards very so tired and fast asleep for now.

But after fifteen minutes of traveling in the dark forest with no compass,map,knowing of the terrain and companions,Ma Chao felt a bit sad. A bit lost. A bit tired and REALLY hungry...

He sat down on the ground,buried his face in his hands and tried to think about his ingenious plan of how to punish Sima Yi and Zhuge Liang. But this made him even more sad...

Because there was NO plan. Getting to punish those two meant going all the way back to the Shu palace,which was pretty unsafe because of Liu Bei,Zhang Fei and Guan Yu,as well as a bit far away. A bit. Three thousand kilometers.

So he sat and cried,waiting for somebody to come and pick him up. This was pretty unsafe,for the people who could pick him up were probably those guards of Wei.

"WHERE ARE YOU JUSTICE?"the hungry Shuist wept,"YOU,THE PERSON READING THIS NOW,WHY CAN'T YOU BRING SOMEBODY HERE TO PICK ME UP AND FEED?"

Then,suddenly,Ma Chao heard giggling from under the tree on the left.

"Eh?"he wondered,"Who are you?.."

He ran there and saw a young man with hair tied into a ponytail,and in a biker costume and with a bao zi in his hand.

"Who are you?"Ma Chao yelled at the giggling man.

"I'm too lazy to answer..."

"But you said something so already?."

The man looked at the Shuist with curiosity and then stood up.

"Fine. I'm Ling Tong,who are you?.."he asked,chewing his bao zi. It was strange,seemed like it didn't ever end.

"Ma Chao. Why can't you finally eat up your food?.."Ma Chao licked his lips,"May I help you?"

"Well you see,since Koei released Dynasty Warriors 7,here I am,wearing biker stuff and lying under the tree and chewing this bao zi... Every day the chief Koeist comes and brings me a new one,so I'm TOTALLY FED UP WITH THAT!"

So Ling Tong offered Ma Chao some food and he ate it gladly.

"Hey Ling Tong!"Ma Chao decided to act in a sly way,"Do you want to bring havoc,anarchy and stuff?.."

Ling Tong stared at him in amusement,then said,"Well sure I do,that's my life's wish!"

"I have a plan..."

Then the sly Ma Chao told him about going to Shu. The Koeist comes and sees Ling Tong is missing and then...

"That's fun!"Ling Tong said confidently,"Seems like I'm going to go with you..."

******the next day******

So they went and went and went and went and went and went...

"Listen Ma Chao,"Ling Tong panted after another old woman kicked him and hit with a frying an on his head when they tried to steal some apples from her garden,"I'm hungry. I'm tired. I don't wanna go and travel to Shu with you anymore."

Ma Chao didn't listen. He was carving something out of wood.

"MA CHAO WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHY DON'T YOU EVEN LISTEN WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU?"Ling Tong yelled angrily,about to throw the only rotten apple he managed to steal at his Shuist companion.

Ma Chao lifted his hand and smiled proudly.

"The flute."

"The Cao Cao we need it?"

Ma Chao smirked. Zhen Ji has taught him some flute-playing,so now he felt like the master of it.

"We are going to go to the nearest tavern and play our flutes,then people give us money and food and stuff,you see?"

Ling Tong's eyes sparkled. This was a great idea.

So they spent three more hours searching for the nearest tavern...

**A/N Well yeah,I know it's short and everything,so I'm probably going to write another one today,and I'm probably updating My Granny's Pet Lu Bu and that story about Sima Yi so you can say,I'm a really busy person... However,don't forget to review.**


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